A Small Guide To Attacking A Mark's Yard
By The Professional
Reproduce and distribute it as long as it's unaltered and with the author's
This is a small little guide that concerns attacking a mark's lawn. It will
appear in the scheme 'The Anti-Yuppie Ops Guide'. Read and enjoy, remember,
this is for entertainment purposes only and you take full responsibilities for
Yes, without this important tool, your target will not be able to cut his lawn
unless he can repair it or pay money for a new mower which means big bucks
these days for either a gas mower or electric.
If he has a mower, riding or pushing, try and find out where he keeps it. If
the mower is kept in a secluded place you can give it a little mechanical
alteration. Move in at night with some tools and remove the blade completely
and take it with you. Don't forget to wear gloves! Now when he tries to cut
his lawn the bloody fool won't even be able to figure out why the grass isn't
getting shorter! If he's a wannabe mechanic like most yuppies, he'll screw
around with the engine and try to find the problem there. You'd be surprised
to see how long it takes most targets to figure the problem out.
If you're a little more serious and familiar with crazy glue you could glue
key components like throttle, clutch, or gas cap! If you insist on gluing the
blade be carefull! Who knows what might happen? The engine may even fry and
Alka-seltzer works wonders in the battery of a riding mower. Sugar or any
other contaminent can work dark wonders in the gas and eventually in the
engine. If you're a simpleton any sharp object properd up against a tire is
Fresh bags of dog droppings in the blade chamber is a real hit when your
target initiates the blade power. Ziiiiiip! Wow! My shoes are brown now!
A more advanced technique for the technically minded involves altering the
throttle control inside the engine of a riding mower. This takes a little more
skill than other revenge activities but it's worth it. Examine the engine and
look towards the lower left hand side. Follow the throttle line and you'll
find a lever on shaft. This is commonly known to us sabotuers as the 'Nitro'.
Tape this down in the full throttle direction. Notice how much throttle you've
been missing out on? Tape this down, or better yet crazy glue it. Now when
the poor schmuck starts up he'll take off faster than prunes through your
Yes, his green pride. If he deserves it, destroy his lawn. Diesel fuel or any
fuel pretty much does wonders as a writing tool. Be creative here, use the
fuel to write words in the grass. In short while the grass will die leaving
the letters or pictures that you left behind. Trust me, if you use diesel fuel
it won't be growing for a long time. I found comments like "Child molester",
and "Ex-con" extremely effective in upper class neighbourhoods. Comments like
this leave a lasting impression with the neighbours. Salt water works wonders
by killing grass as well as trees. All you do is mix water with a few bags of
salt in a bucket. Real simple guys. You can do it too. ;) Hell, you can go
old-fashioned and use a shovel to rip his lawn to shreds.
Another effective technique is to attack on the neighbourhood's garbage night
and spread his garbage everywhere. If you do this he'll have to pick it up or
he'll ruin his mower blades on objects such as tin cans, glass bottles and the
shaft could get tangled with plastic bags. Besides, who would leave garbage on
their lawn anyway?
If your attacking a lazy guy who won't go out and cut his lawn, try placing
golf balls in the tall grass. When he finally gets up to do it, he won't even
know you've struck until the sweet sound CLUNK! CLINK! BANG! Be carefull, this
can do serious damage. If you want to be safer, use tennis balls or any other
soft, small object.
An effective technique is to soak toilet paper in water (or gasoline to step
up to the next level) and either spread lengths of it across the lawn. To make
life worse, soak toilet paper that is ripped up in clumps. Spreading these in
large numbers can be DEVASTATING to a lawn. Anyone knows that dry toilet paper
spread about is hard to clean up, but wet toilet paper is on a whole new
level. Hell, while you're at it toilet paper the mark's trees, house and care
while you're there.
That's all for this guide but if there's enough request my associates and
myself will think up something a lot better. This may seem tame to the
experienced avenger but this was written with the mild, first-timer in mind.