Feel free to modify and add to it. Feel free to add and distribute as part of a collection.

If you choose to do any of the following Fez is not responsible, we just give you the ideas -you act on them.

Some of these may require an accomplace in the form of a caddy who is your friend and in on it.

Fez Ltd.
Tim Masterson

The most heavily take care of part of the course is the green. They are well groomed. In case you don't know, it's the area around the hole and the flag.

Plug up the hole with dirt, shit, jelly, peanut butter, vasoline, etc. I reccomend something that will really fuck up their hand if they put it in there. Remove all the flags. The hole is moved often so that water running over the green doesn't form a funnel right to the hole: Dig you're own hole, search through your garage for s shovel or something. Not to big, about the same size as the real hole. The course owner keeps the hole, replaces it, and digs a new one weekily or after big rains.

Right before a storm or during dig about five holes, or just get a friend and totally dig up the green. Light the flags on fire, use gas so it stays a while. Get shampoo, oil, anything slick. Pour it all over the green. It will either fuck up their shot or fuck up their shoe.

Part II: The rest of the hole

The fairway, the tee area...

Detergent kills grass. nuff said. Using a hoe (the garden tool, fellas) or shovels, fuck up the tee area so that they can't put the tee in the ground to take a shot. Using a really long fishing wire, set up a trip wire across the entire fairway. Rip up bunches of newspaper and spread over the course. Do it on only one hole, it looks cool.

Part III: Interrupting Play

Self expanatory.

Get yourself a laser pointer (you know, those things that look like pens but shoot a harmless red beam. maybe a teacher uses one. They run cheap, 50-80 dollars, at office supply stores like Staples or Allied) Sit in a tree, or on the ground near a tee area that is shaded and point it in their eyes right before they swing. For you uncreative useless types yell real loud before they swing I reccomend "DUCK!" or "LOOK OUT!!!"

On up hill shots steal the ball after they hit it, they will really be furious with this one. On water shots, make sure the ball rolls into the water. (Be careful, don't get hit with the ball, they hurt). Roll golf balls across course.

Part IV: Misc.

Other shit.

Do anything that you would do to a car to a golf cart. Pour dirt, food colouring, stink bombs, anything liquid and disgusting into one of those ball cleaners (get those stink bombs in the real small glass container, put it in in such a way so that it breaks when used). Destroy the paths for golf carts. Some courses have coolers of water so the bastards can refresh themselves, either change it's colour, content, or both. Be creative.

Replace regular golf balls with foldgers crystals. Replace regular golf balls with exploding golf balls (check local gag store). Replace golf clubs with clubs that are slighly sawed at the bottom so that it breaks (or just saw it when the shit head ain't looking). Full golf bag with sludge. Tape or glue one of those small glass smoke bombs onto the gas pedal of a golf cart so that it breaks when stepped on. This is also fun with regular cars.