green revenge

A Small Guide To Attacking A Mark's Yard

By The Professional

    Reproduce and distribute it as long as it's unaltered and with the author's name.

    This is a small little guide that concerns attacking a mark's lawn. It will appear in the scheme 'The Anti-Yuppie Ops Guide'. Read and enjoy, remember, this is for entertainment purposes only and you take full responsibilities for your actions.


    Yes, without this important tool, your target will not be able to cut his lawn unless he can repair it or pay money for a new mower which means big bucks these days for either a gas mower or electric.

    If he has a mower, riding or pushing, try and find out where he keeps it. If the mower is kept in a secluded place you can give it a little mechanical alteration. Move in at night with some tools and remove the blade completely and take it with you. Don't forget to wear gloves! Now when he tries to cut his lawn the bloody fool won't even be able to figure out why the grass isn't getting shorter! If he's a wannabe mechanic like most yuppies, he'll screw around with the engine and try to find the problem there. You'd be surprised to see how long it takes most targets to figure the problem out.

    If you're a little more serious and familiar with crazy glue you could glue key components like throttle, clutch, or gas cap! If you insist on gluing the blade be carefull! Who knows what might happen? The engine may even fry and burn out.

    Alka-seltzer works wonders in the battery of a riding mower. Sugar or any other contaminent can work dark wonders in the gas and eventually in the engine. If you're a simpleton any sharp object properd up against a tire is also effective.

    Fresh bags of dog droppings in the blade chamber is a real hit when your target initiates the blade power. Ziiiiiip! Wow! My shoes are brown now!

    A more advanced technique for the technically minded involves altering the throttle control inside the engine of a riding mower. This takes a little more skill than other revenge activities but it's worth it. Examine the engine and look towards the lower left hand side. Follow the throttle line and you'll find a lever on shaft. This is commonly known to us sabotuers as the 'Nitro'. Tape this down in the full throttle direction. Notice how much throttle you've been missing out on? Tape this down, or better yet crazy glue it. Now when the poor schmuck starts up he'll take off faster than prunes through your grandma!


    Yes, his green pride. If he deserves it, destroy his lawn. Diesel fuel or any fuel pretty much does wonders as a writing tool. Be creative here, use the fuel to write words in the grass. In short while the grass will die leaving the letters or pictures that you left behind. Trust me, if you use diesel fuel it won't be growing for a long time. I found comments like "Child molester", and "Ex-con" extremely effective in upper class neighbourhoods. Comments like this leave a lasting impression with the neighbours. Salt water works wonders by killing grass as well as trees. All you do is mix water with a few bags of salt in a bucket. Real simple guys. You can do it too. ;) Hell, you can go old-fashioned and use a shovel to rip his lawn to shreds.

    Another effective technique is to attack on the neighbourhood's garbage night and spread his garbage everywhere. If you do this he'll have to pick it up or he'll ruin his mower blades on objects such as tin cans, glass bottles and the shaft could get tangled with plastic bags. Besides, who would leave garbage on their lawn anyway?

    If your attacking a lazy guy who won't go out and cut his lawn, try placing golf balls in the tall grass. When he finally gets up to do it, he won't even know you've struck until the sweet sound CLUNK! CLINK! BANG! Be carefull, this can do serious damage. If you want to be safer, use tennis balls or any other soft, small object.

    An effective technique is to soak toilet paper in water (or gasoline to step up to the next level) and either spread lengths of it across the lawn. To make life worse, soak toilet paper that is ripped up in clumps. Spreading these in large numbers can be DEVASTATING to a lawn. Anyone knows that dry toilet paper spread about is hard to clean up, but wet toilet paper is on a whole new level. Hell, while you're at it toilet paper the mark's trees, house and care while you're there.


    That's all for this guide but if there's enough request my associates and myself will think up something a lot better. This may seem tame to the experienced avenger but this was written with the mild, first-timer in mind.

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