The Fixer presents...


Thanx to The Locksmith for his ideas and general sadistic attitude. Thanx also to Vic High for providing a good proving ground for the following file:


NOTE: the previous file, school phun, was primarily composed by The Locksmith, and so, unlike this one, is not a part of my ongoing Pranks series. However, this is the first Pranks file for which I recruited help. Now, enough bullshit, on with the file.
- Are you tired of hearing your principal's poofy-sounding faggot voice on the loudspeaker every morning? Well, here is the solution: Cut the wire running down the wall to the speaker. You will usually have to stand on something to reach it. Use an X-acto knife, so the cut will not be noticeable and the custodian will spend forever looking for a short or something. - To get a NIFTY little magnifying glass, just rip off the lens of a projector in your school. You will have to unscrew it from a tubular casing which you should put back when you are done, but keep the lens and wait for the next film show - they do not normally check to see if the thing is there before they show it, because teachers are stupid. - In a previous file I suggested you Krazy Glue a barbell to its bench or rack. Now, I want you to Krazy Glue all the pulleys and tracks, etc. of all the machines in your school's weight room stuck. Leave some in the lifted position so if they come around with Solvent, as soon as the Krazy Glue cannot hold the weight up any longer, ******** K R A A A A A S H ! ! ! ******** - In a previous file I suggested you load up a hi-res porno graphics screen into a store's computer on display. You were to write a program that waited awhile so you could get out, and then it would display the screen. This also works at school, but there it is better: you can do it on ALL the machines that are not in use, and it gets your fellow students howling their heads off and the teacher(s) REALLY pissed! - Another variation on that trick is to erase all that stupid Word Processing or Logo software, and replace it with a "slideshow" program that shows a diskfull of hi-res, hard-core porno graphics. This is good to do after school if the teacher goes out to the office or to the back room to screw Ms. Slutsky, coz all the other students will get a good laugh out of it before anything is done. Make sure you are alone or that there are no narks in the room before you actually do this, though. - A quicker way to fry a keyboard than banging the keys, is to RANDOMLY pour Krazy Glue in between 'em, so that the Krazy Glue sticks the keys so they can't be pressed. New Keyboard Time! - Another neat way to fry school computers: Get a dead disk. Take the disk part out of the jacket, throw it away. Cut a five-inch circle of 220-grit sandpaper or emery cloth so that it has the same shape as a floppy disk's disk. Place this in the jacket of the dead disk, and put it in a drive, and boot up! No more read/write head in about 5 secs. If you cannot find 220 grit or finer paper, it may not turn inside the jacket, so just cut the thing out and put it in the drive as-is. Coarser grit will fuck the head quicker. Also, if you do use a jacket, do not do the trick yourself: Put a label on the jacket and put the "death disk" in a sleeve and leave it by a school machine. The next guy to come along will put the disk in out of curiosity and fry the head. Put the name of someone you hate on the label, so they get blamed. - One thing that some people at my school loved to do was wait until some asshole's metal shop project was nearly done, and then on a day when the asshole was not in school, they would turn on the forge and throw the project into tne fire, only to be melted down. Another popular metal-shop prank was to grind projects or critical project parts down to POWDER. Still another was to pour water on the projects of enemies, and then take a welding torch to it, not hot enough to melt or even glow, you understand, but just so the project would get a nice thick healthy coating of RUST. - Just before the teacher that gave you an F comes into the room, place several drops of Krazy Glue on his seat. Do this to narks, sucks, and other goofs, too. - Use techniques described in other files to open the lockers of other students. Have fun randomly switching lo ks and locker contents. Steal a few valuables and throw away/rip up/burn a few textbooks too. - Leave a note in your least favorite teacher's slot at the office, telling him what a dick he is. Use as many 4-letter words as possible, and make it sound a bit like a blackmail note, but do not mention any specifics or he may figure you out. Do this daily, but make sure you are not noticed. Do not leave hand-written notes. - Roll up a few Penthouse centerfolds with those big roll-up maps. Do this to projection screens, too. - Go to a dance at school. Armed only with a few tubes of Krazy Glue, strategically place drops of Krazy Glue on the gym floor so milling dancers get their shoes stuck to the floor. Also Krazy Glue canned music equipment to the stage, to itself, to its operator(s), etc. The Music Company will never want to do your school again, but you never liked that top-40, prep horse-shit they played anyhow. - The one thing I have seen that gets the most reaction at school is to puke in the cafeteria. The food always sucks there, but it's usually not bad enough to make you puke, so do this: Outside the cafeteria, you and a friend (it's more convincing when 2 do it at once) eat SO MUCH LUNCH that you are both about to ralph. Now, go into the cafeteria and order a lot of food, and eat it until you throw up. You will honestly be able to say it was the food, and may get the rest of the day off! You will also make everyone in the cafeteria swear never to eat there again. - Write "for a good time call.." on the can wall, and include your principal's phone number. - Running out of paper for your printer? Don't pay department store prices; rip off a few inches (thick) from the computer room! - In the can throw all the paper towels into the garbage, along with the soap. Try to flush all the toilet paper down the toilet. You won't be able to; it will back up the toilet and water and shit will spill all over the floor. It is best to take a BIG shit in the toilet first. - Do not flush the toilet when you shit. - Krazy Glue the door of the school bus(es) shut. Do other car tricks and Krazy Glue tricks to it as well. Well, that looks like another file for now. Stay tuned for PRANKS 6!

-- swift vengeance