The Fixer Presents.... July 28,1992
Pranks | ||___ |
Revenge | | / /
and | | | |
General Mayhem |__| |__|
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This file contains suggestions which, if acted upon, could cause injury,
death, and global societal collapse. These are NOT harmless jokes to
pull on your family or co-workers. If this kind of material in any way
gives you heart palpitations or any other physiological condition just
from reading it, then you should abort this download NOW.
This is the seventeenth "Pranks, Revenge, and General Mayhem" file that
I have written since December 2nd, 1986. Yes, I have matured since then
- I think that shows in my writing style. However, it is altogether too
true that some things about people never change, and in my case over the
last five and a half years, I have completely retained my hatred for:
- Radio Shack
- Rotten Ronnie's (McDonald's)
- Most gas outlets
- Public Utilities, especially phone comanies
- Self centered assholes who think they're the only
ones who know anything about anything.
So forgive me if I keep suggesting these as targets, because they are
the ones that I myself would most likely execute my pranks on. Also
forgive me, O Nixon-worshippers south of the 49th, for some of my
strange spelling and legal references. This file was written in Canada
by a Canadian for a Canadian audience, and that's just the way it is, eh.
Nor, in fact, do I make any apology for the fact that as preambles go
this one is getting pretty encyclopedic. So now, on with Pranks XVII...
"Unauthorised Duplication Required"
Addendum to Pranks XVI:
In Pranks 16, I suggested changing a victim's outgoing answering machine
message to something embarrassing or injurious to its owner. This
seemed like it was enough at the time, but in practical use, I have
found that the victim's friends will call and alert the victim to the
situation before any damage is done.
This situation calls for a bud box.
Immediately after changing your victim's outgoing message (I have found,
by the way, that LIVE CREDIT CARD numbers work best as incriminating
"evidence" on an answering machine) you need to go to your victim's
house with a lineman's handset and "acquire" his dial tone from the
service terminal on the outside of the house. If he lives in an
apartment building you will have to scope out the location of the phone
room in advance and be prepared to use lock picks.
Once you have his dial tone (test by calling ANA), call the police
emergency number, or just 9-1-1. As soon as they answer, hang up. The
police have your victim's number by now and they WILL call back. THAT
is when they will hear your answering machine message, and ask
themselves if they really want to "overlook" the fact that the line was
answered by "Wacky Wayne's World of Weed."
You have to get out of the area immediately. Do not speed or do
anything that will attract police attention. They will be on the way to
your victim's house to investigate the original abandoned-911 call, with
orders coming in over the radio to sieze anything they find because of a
possible drug/fraud/prostitution operation...
Ham Radio Revenge:
Get on 2-meters and announce your victim's callsign.
"This is VE7FAG, anyone on today?"
"VE7FUC here, yeah me and the whole ham club are listening, plus our
special guests from the DOC, what's on your mind VE7FAG?"
Tell everyone to fuck off. This works better if you are parked across
the street from your victim with a portable, in case the DOC is
listening. When they arrive at the triangulated location, they'll find
your victim and his ham shack, both of which they will cart off along
with his ticket.
Hint: Phreaking through an autopatch outdial using your victim's callsign
is a sure way to attract official attention to him. Especially if
you're calling a "Live Phone Sex" line, with all the other hams
More 7-Eleven hints:
* What the hell. Those "customer comment cards" that nobody ever fills
out and mails to Head Office have got to be useful for something. Write
Southland a horror story on one of those cards. Better yet, write a few
dozen. Take them ALL and send them, Southland is paying the postage!
Use all different names and addresses. Tell them you saw rats in the
back room, or that the manager had a bottle of vodka under the counter,
or that the burgers are rancid (that last one is REALLY easy to
believe...). Staff turnover at 7-Eleven is so fast, SOMEONE's head will
roll. Since Southland pays the postage (you just put the card in the
mailbox) it is rather nicely antisocial to take the entire stack of
"customer comment cards" and dump them in a mailbox blank. Away they'll
go at 42 cents plus GST a pop. Can you imagine what would happen if you
got hold of a million of these little cards and mailed them all?
* A use for roadkill: Leave that dead cat/raccoon/whatever in the sun
for a few days, until it's really ripe. Take it to 7-Eleven and put it
in an outside garbage can (the ones that say "Pitch In"). Let the staff
and clientele enjoy the aroma.
* Probably one of the most prized posessions a skilled
shoplifter/anarchist can own is a genuine 7-Eleven price tagging gun
(ditto, by the way, for Radio Shack and K-Mart, and *some* of the
following can be applied there too). There are usually several left
around unattended on stock shipment day, which varies depending on
locale but is usually the same day every week. If you can pocket one of
these babies, you can use it later to create 7-Eleven price tags of any
value. Give yourself a discount on anything you want. Don't make the
discount too deep or you'll be suspected of label-switching. Also, make
the labels in advance and stick them to the back cuff of your arm, just
under your sleeve. Don't take the gun back to 7-Eleven under any
circumstances. Alternatively, (and more fun) you can randomly give
products DEEP discounts (or inflations) in price and just leave them
there, causing all sorts of turmoil. RS and Kmart have computerized
controls which prevent you from giving yourSELF discounts, but like in
7-Eleven you can still re-tag and re-shelf items, causing lots of
mayhem, especially if someone of social standing happens to be the first
I once had a roommate named Brad who slept like a log. Like a petrified
log, in fact, because at 6:00 AM when his clock-radio alarm went off
FULL BLAST, Brad slept through it. I don't know why he wanted to get up
that early, but I only hope that if it was for a job, that he was fired
for not showing up for work on time because even if my other roommate
and I succeeded in waking him up after unplugging his clock radio, he'd
just roll over and go back to sleep until 10:00 or 11:00 in the morning.
Brad was practically screaming "beat the crap out of me" and he didn't
even know it.
Well, I decided that a mod to his clock radio would be in order. I was
quite pleasantly surprised, actually. Most LED and Fluorescent-display
standard clock radios used the same clock chip in those days (1987) -
the EA7316. Surely enough, his clock radio had an EA7316. And thanks
to my trusty Philips ECG semiconductor reference, I had its pinout.
There are two pins you can cut on the EA7316 for two different effects.
Pin 25 is the "Alarm Output" line, which turns on the radio when the
alarm time is reached. Cut it, and the alarm will never go off again.
This is the route I took with Brad, and he never once voiced any
suspicion of tampering, even after he bought a new clock radio and the
same thing happened to that one. "Must be hydro spikes" my other roomie
knowingly suggested to Brad. Brad gave up on trying to wake up early
The other pins which you can cut, which I never tried, are pins 24 and
26. Pin 26 is the "Alarm Off Input" which basically is the signal from
the alarm switch when you want to shut off the alarm function, which is
how some people deal with the alarm when it wakes them. The other pin,
24, is the "Snooze Input" pin which is the input from the snooze bar.
If you want to ensure that the alarm stays on full-time when it goes
off, better cut both pins 24 and 26 (but for Ghod's sake leave 25 intact
or it will never go off in the first place!). The alarm will sound for
one hour solid, or, more likely, until your victim literally pulls the
plug or attacks the clock with a polo mallet.
When looking for the EA7316 you may find that your victim's clock has a
different part number on the chip. Philips ECG makes a clone of this
chip, part nos. ECG2060 and ECG2061 for the LED and Fluorescent versions
respectively. Look up the number on the chip in your victim's clock and
use the ECG cross-reference guide (available at professional-level
electronic parts stores, i.e. not Radio Shack) to determine the ECG
number. If it's 2060 or 2061 then the above tricks will work. Quick
identifier: it's a 40-pin DIP.
Use a good pair of fine side-cutters, because you don't want to mangle
other pins in the process.
You would be truly amazed at the percentage of the entire clock-radio
"industry" that uses exactly the same main chip.........
Want to upload a virus to your victim's BBS, but don't want to trip his
super-secure virus-catching scanner program that he runs automatically
after every upload? Infect your drop program and then LZEXE or PKLITE
it with encryption. The virus will be compressed (and thus rendered
invisible to scanners) along with the drop program. Too bad the stupid
git didn't think of that possibility. To my knowledge, only F-Prot in
Heuristic mode flags self-compressed EXEs as "suspicious."
Set your "dropper" to release the virus if it is run on any date about
three months after you release the dropper to the public domain. This
will give your dropper time to go wideband. By the time anyone notices
that it's a dropper, everyone who has run your dropper will have the
virus. Instant wideband virus distribution. I'll bet John McAfee wants
Phil Katz shot for writing PKLite...
Some of the really big adult GIF boards have a few homo butfucking GIFs.
If you have a colour page scanner and a picture of your victim, these
homo GIFs have a use. Scan your victim's picture, and scale his head to
fit exactly over the head of the 'mo in the "receiving" end. Clean it
up and edit it so it looks more or less natural. Put your victim's
voice number on the picture in text, with a caption like "for a good
time call", and upload it everywhere (using bogus accounts of course).
Most sysops will nuke the picture on sight, but among those who keep it,
there will be a few whose users download it and actually call your
victim looking for gay sex. This is particularly evil and antisocial if
your victim happens to be a minor, as it will attract _pedophiles_.
(Attention Cops: Have any of you considered twisting this idea into a
sting operation to nail pedophiles in the act of trying to solicit their
prey? It's about as ethical as having policewomen go downtown in sexy
clothes and flash passers-by a little tit to try and entrap would-be
johns... but at least it's more "politically correct"!)
Hey, boys and gurls, it's now permitted in some areas to actually bill a
phone customer for calling a 1-800 number just like a 1-900 number. And
the services billed this way can get REALLY expensive - there was talk
in comp.dcom.telecom lately of a 1-800 number which cost $120.00 to
call! If your victim's CO allows it, try forwarding his calls to one of
these. Or use a bud box to call one. Or, if you are truly evil, have
your local PC-Board Retard BBS call it with its call back verifier -
multiple times, usually! Or submit it as a node in Fidonet. The
assumption by the public that 1-800 equals free call is exactly the kind
of blissful ignorance that an alert misanthrope is always hoping to
P.s. It was reported in comp.dcom.telecom that such numbers work great
from COCOTs. Screw 'em hard!
Two years ago, when I was writing Pranks 15, the state of the art in
water weaponry was arguably the Water Uzi. But now, in 1992, it is
clear that the Super Soaker family has emerged to dominate the
hydro-arsenal industry. Its long range and high power make for a
guaranteed hit and an easy getaway. And, it's only a water gun. What
are they gonna do, charge you with manslaughter? I reccommend a two-gun
suite: a Super Soaker 100 or 200 for high-power long-distance
squirt-'n'-run missions, and a Soaker pistol filled with lemon juice or
some other food-grade acidic substance that will cause severe irritation
of the eyes (but not necessarily damage - like the 'tards who filled one
with bleach and started shooting innocent kids and women) on contact.
The pistol will become necessary in your own personal defence if a
soaking victim should happen to decide to come after you with a crowbar,
otherwise you shouldn't need it.
High powered water guns are perfect for
- Jehovah's Witnesses, who stand on the street corner and prostitute
their religion like common whores. Yell "Praise Jah" as you flee the
- The creep that stands on the corner downtown and preaches at the top
of his lungs. Same drill as JWs above. Bring friends; it's no
coincidence that his buddy handing out pamphlets is a 6'5" linebacker.
- Bicycle couriers, who take a course in unsafe, discourteous riding.
Everyone's been cut off by one of these pricks at least once.
- Cats who like to fornicate outside your bedroom window at 4:30 AM,
screaming as if they are trying to kill each other (which actually
isn't too far from the truth).
- Skateboarders, whom most everyone agrees should just be shot with
- Panhandlers, who should know better than to ask for spare change from
an anarchist with a Soaker 200 and an attitude...
- Women who sunbathe topless, face down so that they don't get tan
lines but their tits don't show. On the beach they should know better.
Have a camera ready when you do these babes, but be ready to haul ass
if they have boyfriends with them.
- Protestors, peace marchers, tree-huggers, striking unionists who
already make $40 an hour complaining that they are underpaid. These
assholes are only proving one thing: They're assholes.
When going water strafing with group targets such as protests and
rallies, get a few friends to help as there will be lots of them and you
want to achieve a high hit rate before the mob starts chasing you. A few
dozen water balloons (or, better yet, piss balloons) to serve as
"grenades" are a perfect accoutrement for this kind of attack. Smoke
bombs and tear gas are also fun to bring to peace marches, but that's a
subject for another text file. Buy your friends a round of Super Big
Gulps an hour prior to the hit, and when they drink them and the "urge"
hits, have them relieve themselves into the tanks of their guns. Effect
And for fuck sakes be careful. We live in a world where 8-year-olds get
their heads blown off with .45's for inadvertently getting a drop of
water on some asshole fucked up on dust and packing a real piece.
- In a store with a security stamp detector at the door (a magnetic
device which detects electronic "stamps" attached to merchandise), try
surreptitiously removing one or more of the stamps and carefully
attaching it to an employee or customer's clothing, so that they don't
notice. Or just slap 'em on the back and say "Hi there... oops, I
thought you were someone I knew, sorry..." just like attaching a "kick
me" sign. Wait outside until the victim tries to leave. This will also
help you to identify plainclothesmen for future reference...
- If you can access a victim's purse or duffel bag, you can do the same
trick as above, and the first library or security-conscious store they
try to leave will bring about the desired effect.
- Write "This is a hold-up. Give me all your money." on the back of a
deposit slip in a bank. Put the slip back on the pile, preferably
several sheets down from the top for a delayed effect. The effect will
be self-evident. I have a friend who does this all the time. Lord
knows how many false bank robbery police calls this guy has caused...
- If you can get access to a victim's checkbook, you are in luck. Do
the same trick above to his personalized deposit slips ;-)
- Stink bombs with LONG time delays (like several hours or so) are great
for storefront mail slots. Just run by at 4:00AM and throw it in, if
it's timed to go off in 4 hours the place will smell awful by 8:00 when
the first employees should be just about arriving to open up. Works
better in winter during a bitter cold snap, when it is unlikely that
they will leave the doors and windows open to ventilate the smell away.
Try this at your local Jehovah's Witness Kingdom Hall.
- This weekend the Jehovah's Witnesses held a major convention at the
arena across the street from me. They parked their cars everywhere,
along residential streets, blocking driveways, causing a traffic
nightmare. Remember this is the same JW organization that pushes their
faith door-to-door as though they were peddling Kirby vacuums. So I went
down to the local Red Cross, picked up a "Give Blood Please" pamphlet,
and made several hundred photocopies up, and put them under the
windshield wipers of the annoying parked cars. (Jehovah's Witnesses have
a religious objection to blood transfusions, for those of you who don't
- Attaching bumper stickers along the lines of "Gay Rights Now" and
"Queer Nation" (not to mention nice clean Red Cross bumper stickers) to
the above JWs' cars is another idea I toyed with before settling for the
Red Cross pamphlets.
- Similarly, a "please give blood" sign in a window next to your front
door will make JWs think twice about knocking. Especially if, right
next to it, is the following:
"Solicitors, Peddlers, Jehovah's Witnesses etcetera:
Please remove watches, jewelry, belt buckles, and other metal
objects before ringing doorbell. Our Pit Bull has trouble
digesting such items."
- I've never tried inviting door-to-door zealots to a Black Mass before.
Someone tell me if it works. Trying to convert a proselytizing JW to
Hare Krishna is another idea I'd love someone ELSE to try.
- Usually JWs travel in pairs, and often by bicycle when door-to-dooring.
What a perfect time to implement some of my previous files' bicycle
related Krazy Glue tricks. Just invite them in, offer them a coffee,
and let them run their spiel, while an accomplice goes outside and uses
Krazy Glue to lock their fucking brakes open.
The Krazy Glue Tricks from Hell section
- One or two drops of Krazy Glue, allowed to spread along the
circumference of the pull-tab of a soft drink can, will render the can
impossible to open by the normal means. One or two TUBES of Krazy
Glue is enough to do an average vending machine's inventory...
- I have a friend who loves Butterfinger bars. So much so, in fact,
that he thinks everyone should eat them. So he took his trusty Krazy
Glue down to the local university, and walked up to the bank of
vending machines there. The one that sold candy looked like the
perfect target. He found the button that produces Butterfinger bars
and used Krazy Glue to permanently hold it down. After it set, of
course, he tested it: As soon as he put in his $1.10 the machine
dutifully expelled a Butterfinger. The next morning there were no
Butterfingers left in that machine, and nothing else had sold. My
friend was elated - the next evening he did the same thing to the
20-or-so other candy machines scattered over the campus. Unfortunately
he hadn't read my earlier Krazy Glue trick where you Krazy Glue the
coin return door shut, and come back the next day with Krazy Glue
- Mechanical/electric typewriters. Not the daisy wheel kind or the
letter ball kind but the older kind with a long mechanical arm for
each letter. Just Krazy Glue one letter, in fact don't even make it a
common one, do Q or X or something. Stick it so it doesn't fire.
It'll eventually drive them nuts, which is much more fun than simply
gluing all of them and having them throw the typewriter out.
Shortly after the release of Pranks XV, "The Shawn Silva Phile,"
Shawn Silva disappeared from the BBS universe completely. He is
still alive and living in the same town, but his experience with
BBSers and other computer users has driven him right out of the
hobby. Would that more people would write text files to
embarrass the local r0dents out of the scene!
"Phreaking lives in '93!"