The Fixer Presents Pranks, Revenge, and General Mayhem 19 ______ _____ _____ _____ ______ __ Live by \ \ / | | \ / / /_ \ the sword... \ \/ /| |\ \/ / | \ _ ___________________\ /_| |_\ /______| |_ _ _ _ _| | / \ / | | \ / | | | | | | | |\ \____________________/ \__| |__/ \_______| |_|_|_|_|_| |/ / \ | | / \ | | |_| / /\ \| |/ /\ \ _| / ...die by /_____/ \_____|_____|_____/ \_____\ \_/ the sword! (C) 1993 The Fixer ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ The Software Publishers Association (SPA) is an anti-piracy organization which conducts "raids" in violation of the constitutions of both the U.S. and Canada. They get away with this by holding a Damoclean Sword of fear-of-prosecution over the heads of businesses and individuals. No one has ever successfully challenged these fascist blackmailers in court. However, they have a chink in their armour. Their Toll-Free number (1-800-388-7478) used for reporting piracy, has a voice mail system on it! Many voice mail systems are easily hacked. I won't go into the mechanics of VMB hacking, but surely this is a tempting target for those practised in the art. If anyone sets up a pirate VMB on the SPA's system, please let me know... One particularly anarchaic thing you can do to them is drive around town looking for payphones. At each one, call the SPA's toll-free piracy hotline, get into the voice mail system and leave without hanging up. Each call will cost the SPA several minutes in WATS usage as the VMB system will take a few minutes to time out. By making a grand city tour of all the payphones you can easily rack up many extra hours of WATS usage charges to the SPA. If angry people across the continent did this - they need not be phreaks or pirates - the SPA would be forced to shut down its 800 piracy reporting number very quickly, thus eliminating one of their most powerful weapons against freedom in this hemisphere. WATS customers receive a list of numbers which called them with their monthly bill, so it would be very unwise to try this at home. The number above works in Canada as well as the U.S. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ A few of my ex-users don't know it yet, but they have claimed responsibility for the bombing of the World Trade Center. Yup, about 8AM New York time, a call came in to the NYPD direct-dialed from Canada. It was my ex-user calling to demand that homosexuals be given hiring preference and special government funding. And the next night, another direct-dialed call came in from another ex-user demanding that all pedophiles be released from prison (and of course that buttfucking young boys be legalized), or else the Empire State and the Sears Tower in Chicago would come crashing to the ground. Of course the calls were long enough for the NYPD, Nynex, Bell Canada, and BC Tel to complete a trace to these same ex-users. Won't they be surprised when RCMP and FBI agents come to knock on their doors? If you haven't quite gotten the gist of what I am talking about, I am talking about a truly evil thing to do with a lineman's handset. The only thing I wonder about is, how many of the 63 calls claiming responsibility (as of this writing) are just people who had this same idea? And wouldn't this be a perfect caper: You want to frame the living shit out of some Muslims (pretend you're a radical Zionist or something). What do you do? You find out everything you can about the members of the radical Muslim groups, and start watching them. You pay close attention to month-end watching to see if one of them decides to change residence. Finally one does in fact move across town and rents a truck. You tail it to his house, wait for him to go inside, and steal the fucking thing. You load it with five tons of TNT and drive it into the underground parking lot at the World Trade Center. What happens then is history. When the guy who rented the truck tries to go to Ryder to tell them the truck got stolen and could he please have his deposit back, the FBI is waiting for him. The story gets on TV, everyone hates Muslims a little more, Qaddafi and Hussein get the shit bombarded out of them (again), and the real bombers are pissing themselves laughing, watching the whole affair on CNN... ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ One particularly scary substance found in almost any kitchen is cayenne pepper. When used as intended, this spice makes food hot enough to breathe fire. You could even use it in a Pranks context simply by mixing a few tablespoons into your mark's Spaghetti Sauce. But taken dry, any cayenne pepper which gets into the respiratory tract will cause immediate uncontrollable coughing and triggering of the gag reflex. This could be very dangerous to someone unsuspecting of this form of attack. Cayenne -- as an irritant rather than a spice -- is best used dry, sprinkled on unbuttered popcorn or toast. When it is allowed to sit dry on food (dry popcorn is an ideal example), it is certain that some will make its way into the respiratory tract and cause your victim a real problem... ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ I don't know much about this particular means of delivery, but it seems to me that Krazy Glue suppositories would tend to aggravate constipation a wee bit... One thing's for sure: you'd have to be a real turd to try it! (you can stop groaning at my puns now...) ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Truly Evil Tricks dep't: Replace the fluid in a Visine eyedrop dispenser with Krazy Glue (or concentrated acid or something else horrible...). Result: Permanent blindness. Don't try this if you have any concern about lengthy prison terms nor huge liability suits. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Here's one you can actually do without having access to someone's private space: Krazy Glue a couple of thumbtacks or other small, sharp, protruding objects to the underside of a round doorknob. They will not be immediately visible, so the probability is very high that your victim (or some other sucker trying the door) will injure himself as soon as he grabs the doorknob to open it. Coating the surface of such sharpies with poisons, hallucinogens, viri, etcetera is a wonderfully antisocial twist. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Here's one I really wish I had thought of myself, because the result has to have been far better than its perpetrators had hoped. Someone in Vancouver found out last week that he has an anonymous enemy. Seems this enemy went on a poster campaign. Basically, with the current politically-correct hysteria over everything and anything off-colour, it is in fashion around these parts to publicly embarrass convicted child molestors when they get out of prison. The usual modus operandi is to post a LOT of posters on telephone poles, bulletin boards, lampstands, etctera with a clear message in huge letters: THERE IS A CHILD RAPIST IN YOUR NEIGHBOURHOOD. These posters then give the person's full name, address, and phone number, the same for his workplace and family members, and an open invitation to "speak your mind on his horrible crimes." Problem was, this particular victim had never committed so much as a traffic violation, had never been to court, had a girlfriend and a normal sex life, and was guilty of nothing more than getting on the bad side of one vicious motherfucker of a prankster. The victim retrieved literally hundreds of these posters from within a mile radius of his home, but it was too late. His family and girlfriend had been flooded with calls from rednecks threatening death, as had he. Eggs pelted his house on a nightly basis and his car was vandalised. His employers had to change their phone number because of all the harassing phone calls ("We're going to start a general boycott against you because you hire sex perverts!"). The gullible, self-righteous public bought the phony child-molestor posters hook, line, and sinker, and proved that a lynch-mob mentality can erupt without warning even in the mild-mannered Pacific Northwest. It really makes me wonder if our society has really made any social progress after all. Anyway, you will definitely ruin someone's life when you do this; so make sure not to get caught. If you ARE caught, your victim will be foaming at the mouth; he'll re-mortgage his home to pay for lawyers capable of suing you to suicide! If you are NOT caught, your victim's life will be a hell for weeks, and the story'll get on the news! ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Steal your victim's dog/cat. Remove any identifying tags. Soak with a firehose and throw several shovelfuls of sloppy, runny mud at the animal. Let it dry. Take the animal to the SPCA and tell them you found it out in the middle of nowhere, apparently abandoned. I personally couldn't do this (I like pets...), but starving the animal for a while beforehand, until it is showing symptoms of malnutrition, would definitely make it more convincing. This could have several outcomes: (1) The extremely stupid owners never think to call the SPCA, and the animal stays for a few months and is eventually gassed. (2) The owners go to the SPCA to pick up Rover, and are severely chewed out for abandoning their pet. (3) The animal gets sick or injured, the SPCA has to have a vet treat it, and the owners have to pay for that on top of the $35 to recover the animal. In all cases your victim suffers stress and worry. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ _______ _ _ ______ |__ __|| | | || __ | This File Shamelessly Leeched from | | | |__| || | |_| Tommy's Holiday Camp Remote Online Systems | | | _ || | NOW PRIVATE!!!!!!!! | | | | | || |___ +1 604 Pri-Vate 1200-9600V32 |__| |__| |_||______| 10,000 Text Files Online! 24 Hours a day "Reach for the edges of your mind... and you're there!" Q: What did God say to David Koresh when he went to Heaven? A: Well Done!